"Plus it seems unnatural not to have sexual relations.
But I can't begin to work out how I'd let another man share our bed.
"I had lots of visitors at first; some nights the phone wouldn't stop ringing. It was my Mum - she'd been widowed only a few years before - who got me through."There's an assumption that, because you're young, you'll get over it. I wanted normality and I wanted to talk about James.
Older widows say, "We had forty years together, that's a lot to get over". It's helpful - otherwise, as time goes on, I sometimes find myself wondering if he really existed.
Matthew's parents talk about him a lot, which is good. Also, I want the children to talk about him and not feel they will upset Mummy."There's a limit to what friends and family can do, though, and discovering Way [a support organisation for widows and widowers under 50] was a godsend.