We’re all dealing with the same issues but fear judgment and rejection from others. I too am from a toxic family, and I do have to wonder that any mom who feels there is not enough support is likely from a toxic family too, to some degree.
I feel frustrated when I hear people say that improvement in my situation is all within my control, because it isn’t.
Thank you for shining your light so I could see myself anew. so frustrating when new parents are not given this primer (with their birth classes or from OB/GYNs, midwives, doulas, etc.) Create the village before you have to, but if you don’t make sure to create it immediately after the child is born. It is hard to “be a village” and to “create a village” when there really is no real equivalent of a village in our society.
But it is so satisfying to find a circle of people that can appreciate to share a connection of the vulnerability of motherhood.
Help those around you who need help and you will find a village.
When my children were growing up I lived ten kilometers from my nearest neighbour, now I live in a city, but in a neighbourhood and I spend my time helping young mothers who are my neighbours, and old people who are my neighbours.
I’ve offered to make meals during trying seasons, to clean their houses, watch their kids, just be present with them, whatever! I would love for help to be reciprocated, but honestly I would give say 75% or so and only want 25% in return or whatever they can offer. We are AP style and since we don’t have any real friends, I don’t know where to begin looking for a trusted and good babysitter. So many mothers are so ashamed of their imperfections and afraid to be seen as inadequate that it causes them to deny themselves of the very connections that would prove them absolutely, wonderfully normal! Pride seems to stop so many women from accepting help if they haven’t been able to give it first. Its very hard to trust just a stranger online offering babysitting services I dont even trust my friends for that stuff idk maybe theyre the wrong its super hard and i only have one.